Geographically incorrect writing

Wild stallions galloped across the expansive and possibly totally fictional plains of Scandanavia. They dashed and swerved like a swarm of agitated birds, as if for the sheer enjoyment of man.

Man however was not paying attention at this particular time, man turned to his son, Bjorn Mansson.

"Son, you are nearing your 11th birthday, aren't you?"
"No" replied young Bjorn.
"Well it is time you began to learn your father's trade." Said Man, having not listened to his son's response.
"What would you like me to do, father?" Enquired Bjorn nervously
"Return to the house and fetch my tools, and the booklet entitled 'The Government of Scandanavia's guide to Fatherhood.'"
"Yes father."

Bjorn rushed back to the house. He was full of apprehension, yet he was excited, he would soon be a man.

Meanwhile, Man had noticed that the stallions had ceased their galloping and formed a union. Man filled his time penning a letter of complaint to the government regarding the newly formed G.S.G (Galloping Stallions' Guild). After an hour of letter writing Bjorn returned with the required tools and helpful booklet.

Man perused the booklet for some time. He read much useful information such as "Your children most likely have an allergy to band saws, they may start leaking a red liquid. Under no circumstances attempt to make this into a beverage.". Out of the corner of his eye, Man noticed that the angry stallions had formed a blockade around the only post box for 10 miles. He was enraged that he would not be able to post his initial complaint letter, so enraged that he scrawled another hasty note about his anger at not being able to post either of his letters.

After many minutes Bjorn coughed politely, Man looked up from the helpful booklet. Thankfully he had just read the section on boredom and so was able to administer the correct treatment to his son. The Heimlich manoeuvre – repeatedly. Sure enough, after 13 administrations of this useful manoeuvre, Bjorn was not bored.

After several more hours looking at the helpful booklet, Man was prepared. He stood up, straightened his clothes. Bjorn perceived there was much gravity attached to what man was about to say.

"Today, my son…" Began Man.
"Yes, father?"
"I am going to teach you…" Said Man pausing for effect "How to craft Kinder egg toys."

END!